I'm not sure if this is a lesson I need to learn or a blessing I continually receive but I have had a few experiences in my life that gives me faith that the statement, "The Lord Makes Up the Difference" is indeed true.
National History Day: I was a good student, I generally tried to be in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. I wasn't the most competitive student, I, instead, opted for a balanced approach making sure I did all my homework, and hoping that was enough for me to learn the material to pass the course. It worked in that I never failed (in fact, I remember a physics teacher who used to make us say aloud our grades after we graded our papers, as I reported my grade was an 87% he stopped... "Quarter 1 - 87%; Quarter 2 - 87%; Quarter 3 - 87%... well, at least you're consistent"). My sophomore year a combined English and history class assigned us to participate in a National History Day competition. We had a "open pass" to go where we needed to go on campus during that period and to be honest some days, I went to my hang out spot. As the competition neared, I was sure I was doomed to my day of reckoning, so you can imagine my surprise when I took first place in my division. "The Lord Made Up the Difference" for that competition, and the reckoning came as I had to continue to improve my presentation for two more competitions!
Sister A: My hardest companion in my favorite area. She struggled with depression and many mornings slept late, struggling to get out the door on time. I used to try and organize morning splits so we had a definite place we had to be. On the mornings I was unsuccessful at this it was often late afternoon before we could get out. It was torture on me! My missionary mind was convinced we had to work as hard as we could - every minute- if we were going to be worthy to bring souls to Christ. ... and yet the work flourished in that area. After my transfer from that area, she stayed and her new companion stopped me at a zone conference. "Was this a problem for you? I don't get it, I've been working so hard in all my other areas, here I'm in all day and the baptisms are rolling in?" The Lord made up the difference. Perhaps Sister A was actually giving more than I gave her credit for.
Now I find myself in a situation again, where the Lord has made promises and as I look at the current scenario, I'm not sure how He's going to keep them... but I believe He will. He always has. He has proven time and again that He can make up the difference. I'm choosing to have faith in that promise.
The most perfect example the Lord making up the difference is that of the Savior. We know we are not perfect in this life and we are not going to be, yet, as we continue to strive to better ourselves He makes up for our weaknesses. My favorite definition of grace is "more than we deserve."
In general, I believe in the principle of hard work. Expressions like, "you reep what you sew" and "due diligence" provide order and meaning to me. The majority of my experiences have taught me that work is an essential part in receiving the blessings the Lord has in store for us. These experiences urge me to press on. The few experiences where the Lord has stepped in and provided more than I qualified for, however, give me hope. Although I cannot be perfect in all things, I can still hope for grace.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
An Unintended Result?
I love having children. They are my joy. Just like we're promised, they bring me laughter and gladness. I feel so often that these are magical days we're living. I love it when they squeal with laughter, as they cuddle, or master new skills... but, I realized something the other day as I did the unglamorous job of moping the kitchen floor; to have joy we must do the work of joy. It has been my experience, that joy actually requires a great deal of work.
Recently, I've been following some debates about inequality of women within the Mormon church. The arguments are interesting and valid on both sides. I wanted to take just a moment to explore my current thoughts and feelings.
On the one hand, I am deeply grateful to the women and men who have protested inequality and have made effective changes in areas like women's right to vote, to own property, to gain an education, and to cultivate skills. Because of them, I am employable in the workplace. These opportunities have been a huge blessing in my life.
On the other hand, I don't believe some of the privileges have come without a price. I feel that many men have used the feminist rhetoric as an excuse to not step up and perform their responsibilities. More and more woman are expected to work outside the home, these women are not relinquished of their home responsibilities, they must still manage the day care, plan the meals, supervise the housekeeping, etc. but they must do it in addition to their full time jobs. Having worked outside the home for over five years, I know that simply holding a full time job is stressful. I can only imagine how that is compounded when you add raising a family to your full time job. Its a situation I don't desire to be in.
So while I'm grateful for the ability I have to be independent, I'm also grateful that I don't have to be. I feel blessed when my husband takes seriously his role to provide and protect the family he helped equally in creating. Truthfully, I'm happiest when I feel I can depend on him. Ultimately, I believe in gender roles. I don't want responsibility over his roles instead I want a partner who will join with me in doing the hard work of joy. I will happily fold the laundry, if he'll take out the trash. I will wake up in the middle of the night to breastfeed the baby if he will wake up in the morning and go to work. I'll gladly bathe the children and get them ready for church, when he is serving in church meetings. I don't have a need to sit in on church courts, or pass the sacrament, or be a Sunday School president. I do have a need to trust that those things are done honorably, dependably, and fairly.
So before I stand up in protest asking for more gender equality in the church, I would kneel down and ask for more men who are willing to be dependable in doing the work of joy. So that fewer women have to get the kids ready for church while their husband watches the football game or plays a video game. So that fewer women cry as they leave their child with a sitter, because their husband won't work a full day or won't better his skills for a higher paying job or even worse, he has left them for somebody else or never really claimed responsibility for their actions in the first place.
I would ask that more men do their home teaching so that the few who are diligent can share the load more evenly. And I would ask that fewer women have to forfeit having a marriage and children, because finding a man who will be dependable in their responsibilities is such a difficult task.
I know that men are not always to blame in these situations, but I guess that is exactly my point. More than "equality" or man and woman having the same responsibilities, I would like more dependability from each gender in performing well their roles. To quote David O. McKay, "What E're thou art, act well thy part." I think performing our roles, dependably, will bring the greatest joy and endear us to one another so that it is easier to cross gender roles in support of each other.
"In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." I know I feel the most supported when 1) my husband has completed the things I depend on him to do and then 2) reaches out to serve me by helping in my role. When he uses his free time to help me mop the floor or to prepare a meal, I feel loved and want to give back. And although I know he appreciates all the gender traditional tasks I perform, like the laundry or the dishes, I think my token contributions to the financial well being of the family and my judicious use of the resources he works hard to provide are among the most appreciated of the services I give.
The work of joy requires that both traditionally masculine and feminine tasks be completed... a clean house brings more joy than a disorderly home; nutrition brings more joy than malnutrition; financial security is less stressful then insecurity. How these tasks are divided may be subjective and maliable but having a reliable partner to share in the work is necessary for the work to be joyous. If a demand for equality has the unintended result of relieving one gender of their responsibilities and the other absorbing a greater share of the responsibilities, then I don't feel equality has been reached at all... and certainly joy in the work is much harder to find.
Recently, I've been following some debates about inequality of women within the Mormon church. The arguments are interesting and valid on both sides. I wanted to take just a moment to explore my current thoughts and feelings.
On the one hand, I am deeply grateful to the women and men who have protested inequality and have made effective changes in areas like women's right to vote, to own property, to gain an education, and to cultivate skills. Because of them, I am employable in the workplace. These opportunities have been a huge blessing in my life.
On the other hand, I don't believe some of the privileges have come without a price. I feel that many men have used the feminist rhetoric as an excuse to not step up and perform their responsibilities. More and more woman are expected to work outside the home, these women are not relinquished of their home responsibilities, they must still manage the day care, plan the meals, supervise the housekeeping, etc. but they must do it in addition to their full time jobs. Having worked outside the home for over five years, I know that simply holding a full time job is stressful. I can only imagine how that is compounded when you add raising a family to your full time job. Its a situation I don't desire to be in.
So while I'm grateful for the ability I have to be independent, I'm also grateful that I don't have to be. I feel blessed when my husband takes seriously his role to provide and protect the family he helped equally in creating. Truthfully, I'm happiest when I feel I can depend on him. Ultimately, I believe in gender roles. I don't want responsibility over his roles instead I want a partner who will join with me in doing the hard work of joy. I will happily fold the laundry, if he'll take out the trash. I will wake up in the middle of the night to breastfeed the baby if he will wake up in the morning and go to work. I'll gladly bathe the children and get them ready for church, when he is serving in church meetings. I don't have a need to sit in on church courts, or pass the sacrament, or be a Sunday School president. I do have a need to trust that those things are done honorably, dependably, and fairly.
So before I stand up in protest asking for more gender equality in the church, I would kneel down and ask for more men who are willing to be dependable in doing the work of joy. So that fewer women have to get the kids ready for church while their husband watches the football game or plays a video game. So that fewer women cry as they leave their child with a sitter, because their husband won't work a full day or won't better his skills for a higher paying job or even worse, he has left them for somebody else or never really claimed responsibility for their actions in the first place.
I would ask that more men do their home teaching so that the few who are diligent can share the load more evenly. And I would ask that fewer women have to forfeit having a marriage and children, because finding a man who will be dependable in their responsibilities is such a difficult task.
I know that men are not always to blame in these situations, but I guess that is exactly my point. More than "equality" or man and woman having the same responsibilities, I would like more dependability from each gender in performing well their roles. To quote David O. McKay, "What E're thou art, act well thy part." I think performing our roles, dependably, will bring the greatest joy and endear us to one another so that it is easier to cross gender roles in support of each other.
"In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." I know I feel the most supported when 1) my husband has completed the things I depend on him to do and then 2) reaches out to serve me by helping in my role. When he uses his free time to help me mop the floor or to prepare a meal, I feel loved and want to give back. And although I know he appreciates all the gender traditional tasks I perform, like the laundry or the dishes, I think my token contributions to the financial well being of the family and my judicious use of the resources he works hard to provide are among the most appreciated of the services I give.
The work of joy requires that both traditionally masculine and feminine tasks be completed... a clean house brings more joy than a disorderly home; nutrition brings more joy than malnutrition; financial security is less stressful then insecurity. How these tasks are divided may be subjective and maliable but having a reliable partner to share in the work is necessary for the work to be joyous. If a demand for equality has the unintended result of relieving one gender of their responsibilities and the other absorbing a greater share of the responsibilities, then I don't feel equality has been reached at all... and certainly joy in the work is much harder to find.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
What I Remember about American Girl
American Girl is huge in the world of my nieces. I guess rightly so, but the intrigue to me pales from what I remember them as during my youth. I remember a catalogue coming in the mail with pages full of girls with their dolls. The doll respresented characters from history, there were books about their experiences, but the coolest part: there were period appropriate outfits to match the dolls! What an opportunity to pretend. I think Mattel really missed something when they retired these.
http://curtdanhauser.com/AG_Collecting/Dresses.html
Here's a link to the images of the dresses.
http://curtdanhauser.com/AG_Collecting/Dresses.html
Here's a link to the images of the dresses.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Thoughts on Guns, Marriage and the Constitution
I reread the constitution tonight. Actually, I'm not sure that I had ever just read the constitution but I had some thoughts running through my head and the constitution seemed like the best place to turn to sort through them. It helped, but it didn't organize them completely. I hoping that placing these thoughts into words, maybe it will all come together for me.
Here's what I believe:
I believe that a society can have righteous and unrighteous leaders.
I believe that an unrighteous leader is one who suppresses the needs/wants of the majority for the desires of a few.
I believe that preventing tyranny (or unrighteous leaders) was a strong motivator as the founding fathers drafted the constitution. I think it is interesting the steps they took to protect the people from its own governing body.
I believe that these steps included establishing a repbulic, creating checks and balances, term limitations, and due process.
I believe in the right to bear arms, not because we own a gun, want a gun, or because I even like them. I believe in the right because it allowed our forefathers to overcome the tyranny they felt oppressed by. They wanted to ensure that right to future generations. The freedom of speech and the right to assemble are also part of this protection. They work well for the majority of circumstances, but the right to bear arms is crucial for extreme circumstances. (I hope I never see the need, but I'm glad we have the right, if it is needed).
I believe most laws are cultural institutions created to reflect the values of the society in which those laws are prescribed.
As a voter, I believe I should vote according to my values. I need to share my voice so that the laws will best represent my values. If I am a dissenting voice, so be it.
I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. I want to live in a society that also believes this. I want the laws of the land to reflect this belief. I vote in accordance to this value.
Reflections on Prop 8:
So that brings me to my consideration. It seems to me that the judicial reversal of prop 8 is only partially a question of the morality of same sex marriage.
Here are the questions this law and its being repealed are really asking:
Does the judicial branch (one person) have the right to reverse laws enacted by the states that clearly represents the values of the society that established it (majority vote)?
Are the states limited in what they can allow or disallow in their state constitutions?
Is the California law a violation of the first amendment?
I imagine that this could be a debate that would go all the way to the supreme court.
Here's what I believe:
I believe that a society can have righteous and unrighteous leaders.
I believe that an unrighteous leader is one who suppresses the needs/wants of the majority for the desires of a few.
I believe that preventing tyranny (or unrighteous leaders) was a strong motivator as the founding fathers drafted the constitution. I think it is interesting the steps they took to protect the people from its own governing body.
I believe that these steps included establishing a repbulic, creating checks and balances, term limitations, and due process.
I believe in the right to bear arms, not because we own a gun, want a gun, or because I even like them. I believe in the right because it allowed our forefathers to overcome the tyranny they felt oppressed by. They wanted to ensure that right to future generations. The freedom of speech and the right to assemble are also part of this protection. They work well for the majority of circumstances, but the right to bear arms is crucial for extreme circumstances. (I hope I never see the need, but I'm glad we have the right, if it is needed).
I believe most laws are cultural institutions created to reflect the values of the society in which those laws are prescribed.
As a voter, I believe I should vote according to my values. I need to share my voice so that the laws will best represent my values. If I am a dissenting voice, so be it.
I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. I want to live in a society that also believes this. I want the laws of the land to reflect this belief. I vote in accordance to this value.
Reflections on Prop 8:
So that brings me to my consideration. It seems to me that the judicial reversal of prop 8 is only partially a question of the morality of same sex marriage.
Here are the questions this law and its being repealed are really asking:
Does the judicial branch (one person) have the right to reverse laws enacted by the states that clearly represents the values of the society that established it (majority vote)?
Are the states limited in what they can allow or disallow in their state constitutions?
Is the California law a violation of the first amendment?
I imagine that this could be a debate that would go all the way to the supreme court.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
10 Surprises About Being a Parent
10) I didn't realize how much the sibling "rivalry" would affect me They compete, they're jealous of each other at the same time they adore and idolize one another. It is a very complex relationship. I see it, yet can't really do much about it.
9) No one told me all my stuff would grow feet. You can't put anything down without it moving when you're not looking. At first you have some tricks...like surfaces they can't reach, but then they keep growing so those surfaces diminish. How did all my shoes walk out of my closet? I'm pretty sure I haven't worn those red heels in years.
8) Some activities, no matter how fun they sound, couldn't possibly be fun enough to make up for all the effort required to participate. My friend invited us to go to the snow. It sounded fun until I began thinking through the steps... find/ buy warm & waterproof clothes, mittens, hat,snacks, pack diaper bag, wipes, is the car in good enough condition to make it? Hmm, my 6 month and 2 year old just aren't going to appreciate it that much.
7) I spend a lot of mental effort worrying about if I'm giving them everything they need.
6) Its really hard not to compare them to each other. They have different personalities and reach milestones at different places, but I'm really only familiar with how my first did it, so I always compare my second to that.
5) They are your comedians.
4) I remember growing up having to call for my mom multiple times before she would respond. Now I hear many times a day, "MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM"... when I finally figure out what she's asking for, I have to wonder why I'm being interrupted in the first place. Its no wonder mother's develop a delayed response time.
3) It really puts your body through the ringer. This one they tried to warn me about. I'm not the same as I was before kids. In some ways thats a positive, but suddenly, my typically weak abdominal muscles don't even have the strenght to help me up from a lying position. I'm just like my baby, I have to roll over and push myself up with my hands!
2) They have/need/want lots of stuff, and the surprising thing - I really want to give them those things. Opportunities to play on sports teams, music lessons, pre school, nutritious food, play kitchens, swing sets, bikes, strollers, fun treats, cute bedrooms. Mine are even too young to ask for things and still the list of things we have is long, the things we still need exists, and the want list... well, between me and the kids, that's pretty exhaustive.
1) Joy takes work. I had children because I believe they bring joy. This has proven true, but as I mopped the floor today it occured to me... things that bring real joy, take lots of work. Having a clean organized house - lots of work. Having a fit, healthy body - lots of work. Having happy well adjusted children - yeah, that seems to be a lot of work too (and there are still no guarantees) I guess you just have to do the best you can and trust that everything will work out in the end.
9) No one told me all my stuff would grow feet. You can't put anything down without it moving when you're not looking. At first you have some tricks...like surfaces they can't reach, but then they keep growing so those surfaces diminish. How did all my shoes walk out of my closet? I'm pretty sure I haven't worn those red heels in years.
8) Some activities, no matter how fun they sound, couldn't possibly be fun enough to make up for all the effort required to participate. My friend invited us to go to the snow. It sounded fun until I began thinking through the steps... find/ buy warm & waterproof clothes, mittens, hat,snacks, pack diaper bag, wipes, is the car in good enough condition to make it? Hmm, my 6 month and 2 year old just aren't going to appreciate it that much.
7) I spend a lot of mental effort worrying about if I'm giving them everything they need.
6) Its really hard not to compare them to each other. They have different personalities and reach milestones at different places, but I'm really only familiar with how my first did it, so I always compare my second to that.
5) They are your comedians.
4) I remember growing up having to call for my mom multiple times before she would respond. Now I hear many times a day, "MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM"... when I finally figure out what she's asking for, I have to wonder why I'm being interrupted in the first place. Its no wonder mother's develop a delayed response time.
3) It really puts your body through the ringer. This one they tried to warn me about. I'm not the same as I was before kids. In some ways thats a positive, but suddenly, my typically weak abdominal muscles don't even have the strenght to help me up from a lying position. I'm just like my baby, I have to roll over and push myself up with my hands!
2) They have/need/want lots of stuff, and the surprising thing - I really want to give them those things. Opportunities to play on sports teams, music lessons, pre school, nutritious food, play kitchens, swing sets, bikes, strollers, fun treats, cute bedrooms. Mine are even too young to ask for things and still the list of things we have is long, the things we still need exists, and the want list... well, between me and the kids, that's pretty exhaustive.
1) Joy takes work. I had children because I believe they bring joy. This has proven true, but as I mopped the floor today it occured to me... things that bring real joy, take lots of work. Having a clean organized house - lots of work. Having a fit, healthy body - lots of work. Having happy well adjusted children - yeah, that seems to be a lot of work too (and there are still no guarantees) I guess you just have to do the best you can and trust that everything will work out in the end.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
How Much Would a Christlike Society Save Us?
Today I taught a Sunday School lesson to my rambuctious but lovable 9 year old boys. It was on 4th Nephi Chapter 1 in the Book of Mormon. Christ has just completed his visit to the people of ancient America and all are converted. The resulting society is peaceful and wonderful. I decided to take some of the social ills that were eliminated and quantify how much money that would save if we could eliminate those expenses in our society. The amounts were googled, so I'm not claiming they are scientific or even accurate, but they are interesting. Here's what I came up with:
The figures are all from 2011 and unless noted are for the US. The total comes out to be $4,910,000,000,000,000. That's 4.91 Quadrillion dollars. With that kind of savings we could pay off the national debt in less then a year. Hmmm. Its interesting to think about anyway.
The highlight of the class: when one of the boys completely sincerely exclaims,"Yeah, Math!"
| Scripture | What Changed in Christlike society | What we do to try and Eliminate in our society | Cost to our society |
| 4 Nephi 1:16 | no murderers | Prisons | 37 Billion |
| " | no robbers | Police | 30 Billion |
| " | no lyings | Regulation | 1750 Billion |
| " | no tumults (riotings) | England 2011 | 0.5 Billion |
| 4 Nephi 1:2 | no contentions | Wars | 663 Billion |
| 4 Nephi 1:5 | Sick healed, blind see, dead raised and all manner of miracles | Healthcare | 2400 Billion |
The highlight of the class: when one of the boys completely sincerely exclaims,"Yeah, Math!"
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
I Need a Musical Montage, Please!
I struggle with change. Does anybody else? Growing up, I shared a room with my sister. She would get a bug to rearrange furniture every year or so and I hated it. I had adjusted to the status quo and I was happy with it. Even now, when I find the system that works for me, I'm staunchly loyal to that process and change within it brings me anxiety.
Well, we are going through a big family change and I'm having anxiety. My husband has changed employment status. He has gone from "working for the man" to working for himself. In many ways we have been helped in this transition. His former employer has taken him on as a consultant, so he's still earning a portion of his salary, but there is still some financial loss at least for the immediate future, while he figures out how to acquire new clients and builds a name for himself.
We were recently able to refinance our home and reduce our mortgage payment significantly... So, just as it seemed that our time of financial sacrifices were being rewarded and relieved, we again find ourselves in a position where we need to be extra cognizant of the budget's incomings and outgoings. I am war weary.
I think the financial dependence on somebody else has been the hardest sacrifice for me as a WAHM. I know he wants to provide well for his family. When I step back and look at the big picture, I think he is providing well for us. That's not where I spend most of my time, though. I'm in the trenches, making the day to day details work out. And the vision gets pretty obscure down here as we wade through the dirty details of trial and error. There are a lot of strategies that are tried and abandoned. And those starts and stops are unsettling to me.
You know the scene in the movie where the hero decides to leave his old ways and starts working really hard to achieve a goal. They always show that change of heart in a series of scenes with an energetic song playing in the background...the musical montage. I never liked the scene that follows where the selfish unsupporting wife leaves the hero just before he reaches his goal, and the he finds a prettier, more supportive love in the process? You never feel sorry for that first wife. Well, right now, I do.
See, the first wife never got to see the musical montage. I want to be the good supportive wife, but I'm having a hard time looking past all the times before when plans have been made and then not followed through on. Can somebody please just randomly start playing music so I'll know that things will work out... or is it time for me to stop delegating the bulk of my financial well being? I'm pretty sure I would resent having to leave my children with somebody else, but it would relieve this unsettling dependence I feel. My choice, right now, is to trust and hope, I hope its right.
Well, we are going through a big family change and I'm having anxiety. My husband has changed employment status. He has gone from "working for the man" to working for himself. In many ways we have been helped in this transition. His former employer has taken him on as a consultant, so he's still earning a portion of his salary, but there is still some financial loss at least for the immediate future, while he figures out how to acquire new clients and builds a name for himself.
We were recently able to refinance our home and reduce our mortgage payment significantly... So, just as it seemed that our time of financial sacrifices were being rewarded and relieved, we again find ourselves in a position where we need to be extra cognizant of the budget's incomings and outgoings. I am war weary.
I think the financial dependence on somebody else has been the hardest sacrifice for me as a WAHM. I know he wants to provide well for his family. When I step back and look at the big picture, I think he is providing well for us. That's not where I spend most of my time, though. I'm in the trenches, making the day to day details work out. And the vision gets pretty obscure down here as we wade through the dirty details of trial and error. There are a lot of strategies that are tried and abandoned. And those starts and stops are unsettling to me.
You know the scene in the movie where the hero decides to leave his old ways and starts working really hard to achieve a goal. They always show that change of heart in a series of scenes with an energetic song playing in the background...the musical montage. I never liked the scene that follows where the selfish unsupporting wife leaves the hero just before he reaches his goal, and the he finds a prettier, more supportive love in the process? You never feel sorry for that first wife. Well, right now, I do.
See, the first wife never got to see the musical montage. I want to be the good supportive wife, but I'm having a hard time looking past all the times before when plans have been made and then not followed through on. Can somebody please just randomly start playing music so I'll know that things will work out... or is it time for me to stop delegating the bulk of my financial well being? I'm pretty sure I would resent having to leave my children with somebody else, but it would relieve this unsettling dependence I feel. My choice, right now, is to trust and hope, I hope its right.
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