I Need a Musical Montage, Please!

I struggle with change.  Does anybody else?  Growing up, I shared a room with my sister.  She would get a bug to rearrange furniture every year or so and I hated it.   I had adjusted to the status quo and I was happy with it.  Even now, when I find the system that works for me, I'm staunchly loyal to that process and change within it brings me anxiety.

Well, we are going through a big family change and I'm having anxiety.  My husband has changed employment status.  He has gone from "working for the man" to working for himself.  In many ways we have been helped in this transition.  His former employer has taken him on as a consultant, so he's still earning a portion of his salary, but there is still some financial loss at least for the immediate future, while he figures out how to acquire new clients and builds a name for himself. 

We were recently able to refinance our home and reduce our mortgage payment significantly... So, just as it seemed that our time of financial sacrifices were being rewarded and relieved, we again find ourselves in a position where we need to be extra cognizant of the budget's incomings and outgoings.   I am war weary. 

I think the financial dependence on somebody else has been the hardest sacrifice for me as a WAHM.  I know he wants to provide well for his family.  When I step back and look at the big picture, I think he is providing well for us.  That's not where I spend most of my time, though.  I'm in the trenches, making the day to day details work out.  And the vision gets pretty obscure down here as we wade through the dirty details of trial and error.  There are a lot of strategies that are tried and abandoned.  And those starts and stops are unsettling to me. 

You know the scene in the movie where the hero decides to leave his old ways and starts working really hard to achieve a goal.  They always show that change of heart in a series of scenes with an energetic song playing in the background...the musical montage.  I never liked the scene that follows where the selfish unsupporting wife leaves the hero just before he reaches his goal, and the he finds a prettier, more supportive love in the process?  You never feel sorry for that first wife.  Well, right now, I do.

See, the first wife never got to see the musical montage.  I want to be the good supportive wife, but I'm having a hard time looking past all the times before when plans have been made and then not followed through on.  Can somebody please just randomly start playing music so I'll know that things will work out... or is it time for me to stop delegating the bulk of my financial well being?  I'm pretty sure I would resent having to leave my children with somebody else, but it would relieve this unsettling dependence I feel.  My choice, right now, is to trust and hope, I hope its right.