Fifteen months ago, I attended the temple bringing with me all my worries and concerns as my family entered a new stage of our life. I came away with a promise and a reminder that the Lord keeps his promises. I believed that promise would be fulfilled during 2013, and many of the things I did during the year were a manifestation of my faith in that promise. I took chances I wouldn't normally have taken and the promise inspired hope where I would have struggled to have some. As the year came to an end, and the promise was still yet to be fulfilled, my spirits dampened.
Could my testimony survive a belief that the Lord did not keep his promise when it became apparent that the promise as I had understood it had not been received? I went to my journal as I wrestled with this disappointment. As I released the hurt and frustration through my pen, I was able to make a decision... I wasn't willing to let this experience rob me of my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
I did not understand the Lord's will in this matter, but I wasn't willing to walk away from my most valued friendship because of it. New resolve filled my soul and I became able to serve with more sincerity and earnest.
I considered the first commandment, given by the Savior, to love God with all our might mind and soul.
Shortly, thereafter, I made a financial sacrifice to take my daughter on a carousel ride out our local mall. She had been anticipating this opportunity for months, and I was happy to provide it for her. We all rode and enjoyed the experience. She was happy. As we began leaving the shopping area we passed another, much smaller carousel ride. As we passed that ride she indicated that she also wanted to ride that one, I declined and before we had exited the building she was in tears because she had not received her second desired blessing. My heart sank, and I saw in her what my Heavenly Father might also see in me. Did I only love God when He gave me the blessings I desired or could I also love God when I might feel forgotten and forsaken by Him?
Although, in the eternal scheme of things, I believe God does keep His promises. I also believe, that many if not all of us will feel forgotten or forsaken by Him at one point or another. We have evidence that even the Savior felt this emotion as he hung on a cross He cried out, "My God Why Hast thou Forsaken Me?" May we, during our times of trial, find comfort in these words as we know that Christ has truly felt that hurt and in His infinite atonement carried that burden for us as well.
Suddenly, Job's choice to not curse God has become understandable. Job didn't love God because of all the blessings God had bestowed upon him... Job loved God because he chose to love God. He was a friend and companion and the blessings, although I'm sure appreciated, were not the foundation of the relationship.
A good friend once gave me some feedback about my tactlessness, "but its okay," she said, "because we know that about you and we love you anyway." In my love for my friends, I like to follow the example of this friend and allow others their weaknesses. I'm willing to overlook their follies and foibles, try to focus on their strengths and then choose to love them. Our Father in Heaven has no foibles or follies, but it was a significant lesson to me, that we must still choose to love Him, not because of what He can, will or does bless us with, but because we value Him and His interactions in our life. Love is a choice. Love God.
