A Halloween Fail

My daughter has wanted to be a pirate ship... for months.  We made her one out of cardboard a month ago.  It was crude but we had time to work on it, until we didn't.  I figured my son could be a pirate.  We put whiskers and an eye patch on him, until he wouldn't wear it... then we put overalls, a cowboy hat, and cowboy boots.  The whiskers still looked cute. 

As we headed to the school for a Halloween Hoopla, upon exiting the house my daughter decided the ship should be left behind.  Okay she could wear the eye patch, until she didn't.  As we walked through the hall, "trick or treating" my son had a break down because he wanted to go into the boys restroom.  I let them go into the girls, it was filthy.  I was ready to go home, but not before spending $13 on lame things at the book fair.  Son had another breakdown because I wanted him to play with the overpriced car I had just bought instead of somebody else's plastic bus.  Put son on shoulders, daughter on bike, eventually making it home... boots, eye patch, hat, car all carried in a bag.  Too worn out to fight the battle with any actual trick or treating.  Sat on swing and passed out candy.  Eventually daughter decided to put on ship, leaving son home we visited about 4 houses and back home.  Overtired son finally fell asleep.  Daughter followed shortly after.

The worst part is this was the only picture that got taken:

I had already been feeling guilty about not doing much for Halloween, wishing I had more spare cycles to do "special things."  This Halloween goes into my book as a major FAIL!  The best part is my daughter still declared it one of the "Best Days Ever." Thank goodness her expectations were low... and don't be surprised if at some point I dress those kids back up to get better pictures.

A Lesson on Love

Fifteen months ago, I attended the temple bringing with me all my worries and concerns as my family entered a new stage of our life.  I came away with a promise and a reminder that the Lord keeps his promises.  I believed that promise would be fulfilled during 2013, and many of the things I did during the year were a manifestation of my faith in that promise.  I took chances I wouldn't normally have taken and the promise inspired hope where I would have struggled to have some.  As the year came to an end, and the promise was still yet to be fulfilled, my spirits dampened. 

Could my testimony survive a belief that the Lord did not keep his promise when it became apparent that the promise as I had understood it had not been received?  I went to my journal as I wrestled with this disappointment.  As I released the hurt and frustration through my pen, I was able to make a decision... I wasn't willing to let this experience rob me of my relationship with my Heavenly Father. 

I did not understand the Lord's will in this matter, but I wasn't willing to walk away from my most valued friendship because of it.  New resolve filled my soul and I became able to serve with more sincerity and earnest. 

I considered the first commandment, given by the Savior, to love God with all our might mind and soul.

Shortly, thereafter, I made a financial sacrifice to take my daughter on a carousel ride out our local mall.  She had been anticipating this opportunity for months, and I was happy to provide it for her.  We all rode and enjoyed the experience.  She was happy.  As we began leaving the shopping area we passed another, much smaller carousel ride.  As we passed that ride she indicated that she also wanted to ride that one, I declined and before we had exited the building she was in tears because she had not received her second desired blessing.  My heart sank, and I saw in her what my Heavenly Father might also see in me.  Did I only love God when He gave me the blessings I desired or could I also love God when I might feel forgotten and forsaken by Him?

Although, in the eternal scheme of things, I believe God does keep His promises.  I also believe, that many if not all of us will feel forgotten or forsaken by Him at one point or another.  We have evidence that even the Savior felt this emotion as he hung on a cross He cried out, "My God Why Hast thou Forsaken Me?"  May we, during our times of trial, find comfort in these words as we know that Christ has truly felt that hurt and in His infinite atonement carried that burden for us as well. 

Suddenly, Job's choice to not curse God has become understandable.  Job didn't love God because of all the blessings God had bestowed upon him... Job loved God because he chose to love God.  He was a friend and companion and the blessings, although I'm sure appreciated, were not the foundation of the relationship.  

A good friend once gave me some feedback about my tactlessness, "but its okay,"  she said, "because we know that about you and we love you anyway."  In my love for my friends, I like to follow the example of this friend and allow others their weaknesses.  I'm willing to overlook their follies and foibles, try to focus on their strengths and then choose to love them.  Our Father in Heaven has no foibles or follies, but it was a significant lesson to me, that we must still choose to love Him, not because of what He can, will or does bless us with, but because we value Him and His interactions in our life.  Love is a choice.  Love God.