It took me a long time to join the ranks of Facebook users. It just seemed like another "thing" to pull me away from the many tasks I am still trying to get around to doing. It wasn't until a client suggested that I was missing many valuable opportunities to share my expertise in health insurance that I finally succumbed. He was right, I have had many opportunities to share my knowledge and hopefully help people who are confused or frustrated about health insurance understand and choose just a little more wisely. I love Facebook for that reason. I love it for the window it has given me to the personality of some members of my husband's family who all live far away. I recognize it as unparalleled tool for reaching out to my network and finding answers to questions, recommendations, referrals, etc. It has also given me exposure to some interesting thoughts and ideas. So, for these reasons, I am admittedly, a Facebook regular.
My attendance, however, is not without reservation. Here are the things I hate about Facebook:
- Thinking to myself, "Did they really just post that?" This is what crosses my mind when someone shares the dates they'll be out of town, when they announce that they've just bounced multiple checks, or when they complain about their job. This stuff is broadcast to lots of people with lots of backgrounds and values. If you wouldn't stand up in front of a congregation at church and say something, I wouldn't suspect you'ld really want to share it on Facebook.
- Everything I say is broadcast to so many people. I have to be careful what I say. I can have a smart mouth, and there have been a couple of times where I've really wanted to razz somebody for something they've posted. I've had to keep my wit in check though, because, with every post I have to remember I'm representing myself in a professional light. Is this something I'm okay having all my current and future clients know I said?
- It causes heartache. I have seen friends renounce my religion, watched acquaintances battle cancer, and family members go through the crisis of losing a loved one. These are painful things for me, and sometimes fewer details are easier to manage. The problem isn't that I don't care, rather that I do, then I find myself caring all day long. This kind of stuff keeps me up at night.
- Can you say, overshare? I don't care what song someone just listened to or what game they just played. I don't need to know how many times my little brother tells his girlfriend he loves her. I figured out by necessity how to limit what posts I saw from some people.
- It is very difficult to control what others will reveal about you. One of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome with my brother's girlfriend was a bikini photo of her at the lake that one of her friends had posted. In "normal" life I would have never known the photo existed and both of us would have likely preferred it that way, but thanks to her friend tagging her in the photo it shows up on my feed. I try and keep my children's names off the internet, and I do find that occasionally I have to police when others might have accidentally disclosed them.
- "I'm just part of the Facebook crowd." This is how a good friend of mine recently described her hurt about not being notified personally of a tragedy going on in a family member's life. In her mind it was diminutive, it wasn't enough for a real relationship. These miscommunications are so frequent and public; comments are misunderstood. As our relationships take on this digital component, how people establish rank in relationships will be interesting... can we have a "best" Facebook friend?
One other surprise, I would classify as the rise of the Facebook "popular." These are the frequent posters who actually share quite a bit of their life on Facebook. I am surprised to have realized I have come to feel a stronger bond with some merely through their activity on Facebook. I'll call them Facebook popular. The irony is, because, I'm largely silent, these people likely feel no increased kinship toward me, but I feel like I know them, their joys, their challenges, and in new ways their sense of humor... in many cases better than I ever knew them as face to face acquaintances. So to my new "popular" friends, congratulations on successfully diving into social media. You have gained notoriety through it. I am one of your silent observers. Thanks for giving me your trust, especially, when Facebook provides so many vulnerabilities. I will try to be respectful of that trust and not use the information you post to hurt or demean you. I hope all others will be equally respectful.
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